The Sawzall Serial Killer
Motivation does not strike often, so when it does I need to embrace it by any means necessary.
I live in a Townhouse in New Jersey, and for years I struggled with the idea whether or not to move to Pennsylvania. A great deal of my family lives in Pennsylvania.
Finally, decided I was going to stay put, but wanted to downsize and remove the immense amount of clutter that needlessly fills my house.
I started this a few years ago in my basement (don’t all house cleaning adventures start in the basement?) when I thought I would move.
First step, Walmart, and buy a shit load (actual unit of measurement) of plastic containers with lids. Half went upstairs to my kids’ old room for a future project, and the rest down to the basement.
You need to know this going in, I have a hard time throwing stuff away. Always, in the back of my mind I think, I might need this someday, even though I hadn’t seen or used that object in years.
This time would be different, and regular kitchen garbage bags were not going to be sufficient. Went back to Walmart and bought Contractor Bags (42 gallon).
Containers and bags at the ready I started to clean up. Down in the basement, what do you think I find once I removed the top layer of clutter?
That’s right, the box of Contractor Bags (42 gallon) I bought last time I started this project.
Packed some containers, dragged full contractor bags out to the dumpster, and got some small ticket items out of the way.
However, what I really needed to do, was get rid of some big ticket items (furniture) from my house, and that was going to involve some creative motivation.
Enter the Sawzall.
A Sawzall is a hand held tool that cuts through just about everything.
I was about to put that claim to the test.
First up, a couch.
Cutting up a couch with a Sawzall is like that old joke, ‘how do you eat an elephant?’
The answer, ‘one bite at a time’.
Cut into the arm of the couch, and once below the fabric was shocked to find stuffing and cardboard.
Cardboard?
I was surprised by that, and just kept cutting. Piece by piece I peeled off another section of couch, and walked it out to the dumpster.
A surprise benefit of this routine, back and forth from the dumpster, got my steps in and walked miles without ever leaving my property.
Once the couch was ‘disappeared’, a dresser from my kids old room was my next victim.
Up the stairs I went, weapon in hand.
Took the drawers out first, walked each of them to the dumpster, then dragged the dresser to the middle of the room.
Much like a barber, I started by taking a little off the top. Then a lot off the top, and then sides, the bottom, until there was nothing left to carry to the dumpster.
Side note, just for fun, I’d pack the longer pieces into a contractor bag, wrap them with duct tape, and sneak them out, like body parts, at night. That should keep my neighbors on their toes.
Next, a smaller dresser, same routine: cut, carry, dispose.
There were two old bookcases in my basement.
Correction, I have one old bookcase in my basement.
Ironically, the last, and most difficult, was disposing of a La-Z-Boy recliner that was a gift from an old girlfriend.
In hindsight, was she trying to tell me something?
Cutting up a La-Z-Boy is harder then cutting up wooden furniture, or even a couch stuffed with foam and cardboard. There is a lot of metal in the body of that chair.
Even when I broke it down, and removed every non-metal piece of the recliner, I was still stuck with a boulder-size chunk that was too heavy to lug to the dumpster.
Instead, I dragged it out my back door and it now lives comfortably under my outside deck.
The Sawzall is really an amazing tool, and with a new blade, you feel like you can make anything disappear.
Excuse me, but I have to go now, there is a bookcase in my basement that gives me the side-eye whenever I walk down the stairs.
