The Simple Move That Ruined a First Date
In the early part of my online dating experience, when I was not quite a novice, but yet to achieve a Master's Degree in the art of finding love on the Internet, I met ChampagneLady58.
ChampagneLady58 was a beautiful woman, with high cheekbones and her air of sophistication shone through even with the limited quality of the dating site.
Once I found her profile, we started the second phase of what was to become a familiar routine.
I sent her an email. She replied and soon progressed to frequent phone conversations. During one of those conversations, I mentioned I was also born in nineteen-fifty-eight, so we were the same age (forty-four).
'Yes', she replied, then added, 'I'm sure we’ll have a lot in common'.
Turned out, she owned a Bed-and-Breakfast in a small ski resort town just over the border in New York State. We decided I would drive up the following weekend, have dinner to get acquainted. I would stay in one of the bedrooms, it was off-season, and her place was empty.
That Saturday, I drove to her Bed-and-Breakfast and I came face-to-face with ChampagneLady58, whom I will call Elaine (because honestly, I don't remember her real name).
She was an attractive woman, who had an elegance to her, as she showed me around her place. Her cheekbones were more prominent in person, and had round, full brown eyes, and a long, slender neck.
We settled in her living room, and she poured each a glass of red wine. She brought out an assortment of cheeses, and appetizers, and placed them on the table before us.
She was a wonderful host.
Just after we settled on the couch, she turned to me.
"I have something to confess," she said.
'Oh, God, she's a man' I thought (I tend to jump to the extreme when faced with confessions).
"I'm not really forty-four,” paused for a second, then added, “I'm forty-six."
I laughed it off, (if she only knew what I thought she was going to say) and said everyone fudges the numbers on dating sites.
We finished our wine and walked down to an Italian Restaurant her friend owned. As we walked to dinner, she waved or said hello to just about everyone we passed. The beauty of living in a small town, everyone knows everyone else (is that really a good thing?).
At the restaurant we were greeted by the owner. He apologized, said he would need a few more minutes before our table would be ready.
“No problem,” she said and we moved over to the bar for two more glasses of wine.
Once settled at the bar, she looked at me and said, "I have not been completely honest with you."
(Oh my God, she IS a man)
"What is it?"
"I'm not really forty-six," she said, "I'm fifty."
At this rate, she was going to die in my arms of old age before dessert arrived.
I told her it was no problem just as the owner came over and guided us to our table.
Once seated, she explained why she lied about her age.
"I feel that I am an attractive woman, with a lot to offer, and I find men are quickly put off by my age."
She went on to tell how many dates she had, just that year alone, all with much younger men.
"Age is just a number," she said.
And her age rolled over faster than the National Debt Clock.
"And to be totally honest with you," she said (you know where this is going), "I was not born in nineteen-fifty-eight, (drum roll, please) I am fifty-eight."
I looked at her, and knew she was right. She was a very attractive woman, with a very nice way about her, and age would not be the reason this date did not work out.
It was what she did next that put an end to all this.
She picked up a menu the owner left on the table, and opened it. She squinted for a second, then reached into her pocketbook, and took out a pair of glasses. She put them on and then, with the index finger of her right hand, she slid them down the bridge of her nose. She tilted her head back slightly, and that was it.
Any thought of furthering this relationship was over. I looked at Elaine, and in that one gesture, she was transformed and I knew it was over.
Why?
Because with that one move, Elaine now looked like a younger version of my Aunt Gloria.
Don't get me wrong, Aunt Gloria is a very good looking woman but, come on, she’s my aunt.
Effectively, the date was over. After that, I thanked my testicles for playing our game, but told them they would not be needed this evening.
They packed their bags, and went home.
I was cordial after that, almost answering 'Yes, Ma'am' when asked a question. We walked back to her Bed-and-Breakfast, had one more glass of wine, then I found an empty bedroom, and went to bed, alone.
I left the next morning.
I'm sure ChampagneLady58 went on to have many other dates, and I am not even a memory to her.
But for me, holiday dinners with my Aunt Gloria would never be the same.
Image Champagne Bottle and Glasses by The Macneil Studio
