Lord of the House Flies
Author’s Note: I really debated about posting this, but since I pretty much put everything on my blog, from dating to my daily driving habits, I figured, why the hell not...
You should know, what follows is – disgusting.
My skin itches and crawls just thinking about what happened; writing about it now makes those sensations worse.
Just so you know, you’ve been warned.
My housekeeping skills are not the best, I admit. I’m not at hoarder level, but my house does have that ‘lived in’ look. When dating, however, those skills improve immensely since a woman will be in my home, and would not want to give her any other reasons to think less of me.
So, let me clarify my situation to set the stage — currently, I am not dating anyone.
Let’s begin...
On my computer last Sunday a house fly buzzed by my head. A minute or so later, two flew by my face. A minute later, a third joined the group. One, okay, two – sure – but three seemed a lot all at once.
Later that day, on the phone with Arlene (ex-wife) I mentioned the flies. She asked if I had over stuffed garbage or food left out. Told her garbage gone, dishes cleaned and put away, and no food just laying around.
That day, I continued to see various flies around the house before I found – it.
On my kitchen counter there is a basket that holds various items. At some point, I tossed a plastic bag filled with food into that basked, and walked away. The problem was, I don’t remember what was in the bag, or why I tossed it.
Apparently, I shouldn’t have left it in the basket.
When I opened the bag, could not see what was inside, but what I did see were the tiny, flying, bugs…
...the many, many, many tiny, flying, bugs.
Before you ask, “Al, the smell must have been horrible, how did you miss that?”
Well, the answer is, for those who don’t know me, I haven’t been able to smell through my nose (or any other body part) for more than a decade.
Closed the bag and ran (OK, maybe not ran, but walked briskly) out to the dumpster.
Back in my kitchen, I cleared the counter and scrubbed it clean – crisis averted.
Or so I thought.
Back in my living room, in front of my computer – suddenly, more flies.
Grabbed some discarded newspapers from my recycle bin, fashioned a homemade fly-swatter, and went on the hunt. Their numbers were low as I roamed through the rooms.
On a wall…
...smack.
On a lamp…
...smack.
In my kitchen, I have vertical blinds that cover my windows. With the sunlight I noticed something that made me shiver.
The shadows of a few dozen flies danced across the white vertical blinds.
Suddenly, I was thrust into a horror movie. Went to my pantry to see if I had anything, and for some past reason I had a can of indoor/outdoor bug spray. Pulled up the blinds and washed the windows with the spray. Some flies dropped right away, while others flew off and died in mid-air. Some just continued with their day and their trek across the glass.
Now passed sunset, my day was me, Kong-like swatting bi-planes away from the Empire State Building, I moved from room to room killing my invaders.
By nights end, fly swatter at-the-ready, I continued to kill as many flies as I could before going to bed.
A feeling of dread greeted me in the morning when I thought I would walk downstairs and find my house filled with flies.
Down the stairs I crept, peaked over the railing with each step. Little by little my living room emerged – fly free.
A few flies survived, but they flew like they’d been up all night drinking (bug spray). There were dead flies, mostly by the kitchen window. I grabbed my dust buster and began the odd task of cleaning up the remains. When one of the last flies zipped by my head, I tried to capture it with my dust buster.
No luck. He met his fate the old-fashioned-way – rolled up newspaper.
They are all gone now, and I’m sure not to leave any unattended bags laying around.
Even though they’re gone now, I keep seeing them out of the corner of my eye.
Ghost flies are the worst.
I was going to add this as the cover photo, but did not want this to be on my home page forever - The Amityville Horror…
